When I went through my process of becoming a coach, I decided to focus my work on life’s transitions. My initial motivation was my own mid-career transition which coincided with moving abroad, and which ultimately improved every aspect of my life.
As I dug deeper into these changes, I started to realize that just about every experience in life involves some kind of a transition. Obviously, there are big ones (like career, which is what I’ve specialized in), but there are also many small, daily changes that we go through. In the end, our life happiness has a lot to do with how we experience and deal with these transitions, large and small.
Fear of change is normal
You are not alone here; for many of us, our natural reaction to change is fear. This is pretty normal, as there are strong, evolutionary reasons that we may want to be on edge when something changes in our environment – for example, maybe you suddenly realize that an angry, wild ostrich is stalking you (could happen!) and your fear prepares you for fight or flight.
But in our world today, much of this fear is completely without merit and only leads to misery and, over a sustained period of time, health problems. The good news is that we can learn to substitute curiosity for fear and experience our transitions from a much healthier and more productive perspective.
Your brain and your golf stroke
In an (over)simplified way, your brain is no different from your muscles. If you started playing golf and over the years developed an awful stroke, that’s what will come naturally to you. You can certainly fix it with practice, but it will take time and effort to form new muscle memory.
Your brain is similar; any unhealthy thought patterns you may have developed are just neural pathways that have been strengthened through repeated use. By changing the way you think you can reinforce other, more productive neural pathways. Little by little, your new way of thinking can become your default.
So, back to fear vs. curiosity. It’s easy to see how curiosity would be preferable when we are confronted with life’s transitions. When we are curious, we are much more clear-minded, we make better decisions, and we remain open to the opportunities that that lie before us. Not to mention how much better we feel.
Start noticing your thought patterns
So start trying to pay attention to the automatic thoughts that arise for you when you experience the fear associated with one of life’s transitions. These thoughts may not always be clear at first, but, if you keep practicing, they will emerge. If you struggle with this aspect, you may want to experiment with a mind-calming technique such as mindfulness meditation, yoga, exercise, or whatever works best for you to help you slow down your thoughts and bring you into the present. You will probably be surprised at some of the discouraging messages your mind is automatically producing.
As you start to notice these unproductive thoughts, try not to shy away, rather experiment with new, more productive and empowering thoughts to replace them with. When you find the right thoughts, you’ll know it – they will powerfully counteract your old fear-producing ones. Keep trying until you get this right. This is important, as neuroscience shows that you will be much more successful with thoughts that you emotionally connect to. From there it’s a matter of practice. Like working with a golf pro on your new stroke. When you hear those old thoughts, make the switch. And don’t be afraid to continue tweaking your empowering thoughts as necessary in order to maintain or improve upon the strength of your message.
Rewire your brain
If you are consistent with this exercise, your new thought patterns will be reinforced in your brain’s connections and the old, unwanted patterns will die off from lack of use. Over time, your empowering thoughts will become your new normal. Little by little you will start to notice that transitions don’t produce the anxiety that they once did and your life will begin to open up to the infinite possibilities before you. Imagine what your life will be like when, instead of fear, you see opportunity.
This adaptability of our brain is called neuroplasticity and its study has offered proof that we CAN change the way we feel. We are methodical when we work on fixing our golf stroke or tennis swing, why wouldn’t we do the same with our personal growth?
We are all capable of substituting curiosity for fear and making it stick. We just need a little practice. So get started and be consistent. Before long you’ll notice some major changes in your life. It’s so worth it!